| Japan Section Otsuki Award "Brighten My Life -Open the Eyes of My Heart" Toshiyo Imai (47, female, Japan) |
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"Come on! Becoming blind is God's special challenge to you," I was told. "He believes you're a strong person and you can cope with it. Don't give up." "You've got to be kidding me!" I thought to myself. "God, I'm not a strong person. I'm more cowardly and miserable than anyone. I can't accept this almighty fate. You must have made a mistake. The strong person you were supposed to choose was standing right beside me. Kindly redress the situation immediately. Give me back my eyes, my eyesight." I screamed loud and long inside my head, rejecting any words of encouragement. Within a few months, though, I had accepted my fate. I vowed to do my best from that point on. I would try to explore my capabilities, one by one. Sure, I'm bereft of eyesight, a sense of smell and hearing in one ear. But I still have hearing in my other ear. It may sound as if I reached a Buddhist state of acceptance. In fact, I got to where I am today only after fighting against the agony of a brain tumor for thirty years and going through some terrible low points. The world of darkness is a world full of anxiety. It was as if the days had been painted inside my heart and pressed flat by the loneliness. I vowed to walk out of this world. I would try to explore my capabilities, and I would never be afraid of failure. My family told me to stay put and to not take a single step anywhere in the house, as it could be dangerous. In spite of this warning, I tried a lot of different activities. Although I'm blind, I found I could use the vacuum cleaner. One time, I noticed a strange noise, and realised something had been inadvertently sucked into the vacuum cleaner. After a lot of practice, I finally managed to be able to look after everything in my room. I also tried cooking. At first, I cut potatoes and carrots into strange shapes, but after a while I learned to use a kitchen knife as well as I could when I had eyesight, which was quite encouraging. I also learned how to walk with a white cane. I wanted to be able to go wherever I liked, without anyone's help. The white cane replaced my eyes. One day, despite walking within the designated limits in my neighborhood, I lost my way. I felt miserable. Tears stung my cheeks. Nevertheless, I gradually managed to increase the distance I was able to walk and I was also able to use trains and buses to go into town. Somehow, I also managed to learn Braille. My first thought was that this wasn't something humans were meant to do: make letters out of six dots and read them with the fingers. I persevered to the point that I got a stiff neck and sore eyes. Reading took three times as much energy and effort as writing, but I eventually managed to pick it up, thanks to my persevering attitude. It is said that 80% of the judgments people make are based on what they see. People like to look at landscapes and clothes, for example. Our first impressions of people are mostly based on how they look. People see and read using their eyes. In my case, however, I have to make do with the senses of touch and hearing only. I'll form an impression of someone based on the way they talk. I use sounds, voices and a sense of touch to help me visualize the atmosphere. My ears have become more sensitive. They let me pick up more detail than from my sense of touch. Even though I could type Braille, I didn't think I'd get the same pleasure from reading books as when I had sight. But I found myself laughing out loud when I read essays, crying when I read poems. I discovered that I could still experience emotions through reading, even though I was reading with my fingers. This is what reading with Braille is all about. Even without eyesight, you can enjoy reading a book. When I listen to good music, I close my eyes. Even before I was blind, this was how I listened to music. Sound isn't just something blind people use to help them get around, it's also something that can lift our spirits-just as it does for fully sighted people. I learned how to do many things I'd thought would be impossible. It was like a beacon in the darkness of my heart. After training, I was able to walk with my guide dog, Kiki. Thanks to Kiki, I rediscovered the joy of walking; the feeling of wind and light that for some reason I couldn't experience when I was walking with a white cane. What's more, Kiki brought me other special experiences; invisible feelings that brighten the inside of my heart. Several companies, associations and schools gave me the opportunity to deliver lectures-a welcome opportunity for social participation. Those experiences showed me that I have a place in life, and can be of value to society. Children sent me cassettes, CDs and MDs along with Braille letters that included their impressions of my lecture. Their voices touched me and gave me lots of energy. "Kiki, I've finally realised that I am happy to be alive, even though I've always been followed by death and tried to kill myself. Although I can't see, smell or hear in one ear, I belong to the human race. My life is worth living." "Of course," I heard Kiki reply. "All of our lives are equally important." |
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